The Hidden Diary of Emily's Big Adventure

And just like that, on April 16, he walked—or rather popped—into my life.

In the middle of chaos, in the middle of feeling like it might not happen, in the middle of being too much for the wrong people, the right one silently, quietly snuck in. I didn’t immediately know it, but the universe did. It said: “Wait, Emily. Look at this one.”

It was whispering in my ear. Perhaps it was my future self, who was already aware of the blessings that are fulfilling me and guiding me right now, telling me to pick wisely because we deserve exactly what we asked for. The true equal. The companion. The partner. The great love story, part two.

And just like that, he seemed to appear quietly—and then not so quietly. He penetrated my heart like pieces of a complex puzzle, suddenly matching themselves, the bigger picture forming effortlessly. The man became bright and shiny and impossibly mesmerizing to me. With every word said to me, alignment followed.

The things that had bothered me in previous attempts with partnership seemed nonexistent as he matched me in every way. My intensity was met with equal exuberance for life. My fears and vulnerabilities were reciprocated in the most magical, beautiful displays of trust and divine timing.

Has this been the plan all along? Is he truly the one my heart has been yearning for for the past nine months? Or was this both of our preordained destinies all along?

The Real Life Connection

I truly have never met a man who has matched me so equally in character makeup, emotional intelligence, or life alignment. The missing piece to the emotional connection was answered on May 1 when we met in person—always the point where things had fallen apart for me previously.

I do not connect in real life. I’ve come to accept this over the past six months of dating: in person, my walls are thick and my standards are so high that no one seems to truly interest me. I can’t fake physical attraction. Obviously, I was scared. Would it simply be another failed attempt at connection?

But seeing him, head down from across the restaurant as I entered, something silent in me stirred. I was not rebuffing him. I was actually walking toward him with an intensity I did not understand, my body already craving him.

Unbeknownst to me, it appeared the fireworks were indeed coming in what my brain could only best describe as true divine alignment. My body was actually drawn to him, instead of the typical disappointment on some level I had experienced with every single previous first encounter that, on occasion, I forced myself to persevere through.

This time felt so different. Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes, and my body had completely shifted in my chair into him—in full physical alignment. Without consciously realizing it, I was leaning into him more and more. I was craving his energy, his light.

Lightning Bolts Delivered

And then, at some point very, very early, it happened. It was the moment I’ve spent the last 21 years describing on my initial encounter with my husband, Chris—the moment my soul recognized his like soul on our very first date.

It was the moment I’ve spent the last six months praying would happen, fearing it was a pipe dream at this point. And then there were fireworks and divine soul recognition, and my heart recognized him as the next significant person in my life.

I will always hesitate so early on to say “the man I will marry” or “spend the next 20 years of my life with,” but this man has significance. He’s the one I’ve been waiting for, praying for, doubting was real, believing that perhaps the probability of lightning striking the same person twice in a lifetime was impossible.

Then the universe delivered. It sent me the mocking laugh of the gods: “You dare doubt our ability to be great?”

Lightning bolts delivered. My body felt it. My soul had been penetrated, my Spidey senses tingling, and my heart awoken. This was no ordinary encounter. This was not a simple, albeit fleeting, moment in time. This was, in fact, the stuff written about in great love stories. The type of moments people write great poetry about—that instant love-at-first-sight kind of context, except it wasn’t really for sight exactly, but the gentle, or rather swift, recognition of a love meant exclusively for me.

This was my Act 2. And what an amazing, divine man he is—more than I actually could’ve ever penciled out on paper checking boxes I didn’t even know to create a box for. That’s the thing about divine love: the things that are truly meant for you are always going to find you and be so pure that it not only brings you to your knees, but it activates parts of your heart you thought were dead.

Crumbling the Armor

I didn’t actually think I was ready, really, for any of this until he walked into my life, until he word-played his way into my heart and held it so tenderly without even having met him yet. The feeling is so overwhelming. I’m afraid to admit it out loud. Saying the word love seems silly and ridiculous at exactly 19 days from our first encounter, but if I’m being true to who I am, it’s love. I love fiercely and fully and freely, even after all I’ve been through in my life.

And I can recognize that I have already fallen for him. My soul already knows him; it has clearly been aligned to him in some other distant time or place. And on May 1, the universe finally re-introduced us to one another in the physical form, and I truly have not stopped smiling since.

The level to which we match each other is nothing short of cosmic, mind-blowing alignment. The parallel paths we have walked, the way he seems to get me and see me as I am fully, all while never making me feel like I needed to dim my light for him.

I know it’s only been 19 days, but I don’t want to spend another one without you in it. I crave you—the best friend whose clothes I want to tear off. Check.

My mantra from the start, the fact that almost instantly my hands seemed to find their way to his body almost without asking my brain for any amount of permission, was almost comical. It’s as if they said: “No, no, we got this all on our own. We are taking over now.” The moments of silence, the staring at each other and smiling—no awkwardness, just one heart realizing the other was its counterpart.

I did not believe I was actually ready for any of this, and perhaps I wasn’t until you showed up. My soul knows you don’t walk away from destiny. You can’t turn your back on what is meant for you, and while every fiber of my brain is screaming, “Slow down, silly girl, you are being crazy and you are going to get hurt,” my heart and my soul, my entire being of sorts, is telling me that I already know the truth: I found a soul partner.

My counter-equal. The one who I would sacrifice for without hesitation.

The Ultimate Answer

I wasn’t ready before. I couldn’t fathom the idea of giving up the fun of endless possibilities or going back to a life of compromise with someone, but for you, because of you, with you, it doesn’t even seem like a question. It seems perfectly fine.

My answer is yes.

None of it seems like a chore. Without hesitation, I am ready for a life with you—a man capable of honoring my complexities and handling my heart with the true tenderness and graciousness it requires. Likewise, honoring your past life and love seems effortless to me. I see you and accept you wholly as you are. I want you. I already choose you. I’m already in love with you.

Honestly, it wasn’t a choice, really; it was a feeling that emerged all on its own, not asking my logical brain for permission. Instead, it simply invaded the nooks and crannies of the cracks in the carefully constructed armor I placed around my heart. It poured in with such force that it splintered the armor into unrepairable disarray.

Love. It forced its way in because love is, in fact, the most powerful force on earth. My armor, in actuality, never stood a chance when confronted by true, real, divinely created love. It was always going to be mocked by its attempts to resist it.

Love knows exactly what it’s doing: the precise way to lower inhibitions and crumble preconceived realities. Love has always been the answer, even to all unasked questions.

The pure vulnerability it exposes when the armor is no longer in place is extremely terrifying. What now? How do you navigate the complexities of an exposed heart not yet free to admit it’s exposed? You can’t let anyone see it’s no longer protected, so somehow you must fake it. You must pretend that the shields are fully intact, that the force field surrounding it has not been switched off.

And that, my friends, is the best description I can possibly muster of what falling in love actually feels like: raw, scary, blissful, complex, resilient, terrifying, perfect love. Dangerous to say the least, hopeful at its best.

No matter what, I am better for once again having experienced the first stages of falling in love. It’s been over 21 years—almost 22 now at this point—and how amazingly resilient our hearts actually, truly are to have endured all that I have and still be able to let love enter. That is a testament to either my tenderness or the man’s divine being, but most likely a combination of both.

He clearly came exactly when he was meant to—not a moment too soon, not a moment too late. Finally arriving as he was always meant to, with his three-date plan before we had ever been on a single date with complete 100% intentionality, with his open heart despite his own losses. And maybe that’s exactly the point: we needed one another. Somehow our pasts were meant to intersect at this exact moment to create the beauty that awaits both of us.

Resilience seen at its absolute best—a person who can make you see the parts of you that you were unaware of, a person who makes you feel better than you have in a long while. It’s no wonder I’m using the word love and spilling on about poetic kinds of things. He inspires me to write down words of beauty and paint beautiful images with a pen. That is what love is capable of: inspiration at its finest.

But for now, I will keep the secrets of my heart confined to paper and pen while I wait for the world to catch up.

Tonight, I sleep with a smile on my face and a softness in my heart that nine months ago I could not envision ever experiencing again. That is the power of true love. That is what makes life worth living: the ability to embrace it all with an open heart and an eye on what’s to come.

Love is magical. I am in love. Today, for the first time, I am calling it exactly what it is—what I’ve been too scared to admit since Friday, May 1.

It’s actual, true, real love. I am madly, deeply, crazy, soul-shakingly in love with the best man I could’ve ever dreamed of.

I am blessed. Thank you, universe. Thank you, I am in love.